SO, today, I thought it might be a good idea to just take an easy walk on the track, since I OBVIOUSLY learned my lesson on the road yesterday.
OUCH, my legs and shins hurt for 45 minutes. The walk was easy, but not for some stupid person who had OVEREXERTED themselves yesterday!!
SO, I am officially labeling myself as stupid....wait, NO, it's not ME that is stupid is the ACTION that was stupid. I shouldn't have done yesterday's 6-miler and I should have compounded the damage by going out walking today!
But I feel that something productive DID come out of my walk today. I find that I tend to do "stupid" things when I'm feeling depressed.
I am feeling depressed. Why?
- The summer is over and although I didn't do much of anything exciting (that in of itself is depressing) because we are so low on cash, I find that I get this way on Labor Day quite often.
- I've "imploded". My husband's family would ALWAYS spend holidays like this together and although I don't miss the "work" aspect of it, I miss the camaraderie with my sisters in law. I feel I'm spending too much time "alone". Of course my husband is here, but he's usually reading a book or doing something in the garage or yard. As for my daughter, she is getting ready for school and is, as she usually is, holed up in her room.
- I feel that, although I'm working on a small "computer" project for a friend, I don't have any long term purpose.
- The future is still looming with unanswered questions about whether my husband will get a job. What will we do financially?
- I often wonder if I should try to do MORE for the financial participation in our household, but I do not know what to do.
- I feel that God has a purpose for me, but I've been waiting so long for it, that I either missed it, or I simply do not have what it "takes" to do anything that will serve a purpose.
- I usually look forward to the holidays. Not that gifts and spending are a huge deal but I would like to make it nice somehow and how can I with no extra money in my pocket. How can we do anything for our daughter, even though she's not a child, we don't want her to feel depressed. We love to make Christmas special for her. She completely understand the financial situation. She plans on getting a job. She may be the only one buying presents this year. ; )
- I feel that I want to reach out and DO MORE with my life, not only to help our financial bottom line, but to help others. I need to get out of my own head.
I guess that last sentence speaks volumes. When you spend too much time in your own head, my dear Fibro friends, the devil can come in and start filling your mind up with doubt, discouragement, and, inevitably depression.
I need to start filling my mind up with THE WORD. I believe, that as Fibro sufferers, we ALL can reap a huge benefit from the Bible.
But I also know that there are other ideas that I can share with you that will help OUR depression. We all have it either constantly or from time to time it gets a bit worse. We suffer with pain and fatigue every single day.
I DO want to tell you something positive. In the past several years, I have gone for several months and almost full years feel very good about my life even though I didn't hit the Lotto and wasn't loaded with money. I felt hope and happiness every single day. I got up with a great feeling even when things were tough.
I need to find the way to get back to that place. I was a "light" to others who didn't even have Fibro but had other issues in their lives. I want to be that "light" again and I know I can. FURTHERMORE, I know that you, too, can feel better and less "down".
I am going to research some of the "better" advice on treating depression (aside from meds) on the internet and in my own experience.
I'll share some of these with you later on....
Until then.....get your mind off of yourself and your problems, keep busy.....and remember
Blessings........DO surround you!
Mo M.
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