I have a tendency to be a bit "inflexible" with my time. In other words, I get stressed when I'm running late, I get stressed if I've planned something and something else interrupts, I get stressed if I feel something is taking longer than it should, and the list goes on. I need to go easier on myself, interruptions and the thought that I can control my life.
This morning, I went to say hello to my mom, she has an apartment "within" our home. She didn't look well.
She wasn't well. She's 81 and has heart problems. It's not important what the symptoms were but the point is that now I knew my day would be probably spent in the emergency room waiting for her doctor, test results,etc. I had other plans.
PLEASE, don't get the feeling that I don't love my mother, but I was stressed by the fact that, with Fibro, I can't ever seem to "get ahead", keep up with things, and that the stress of what might happen with my mother could be something that could cause me to crumble, what if she gets really ill, or worse....well, you get the idea. I started to catastrophise. WHY?
Of course, I didn't act stressed to her. I simply threw on some clothing and gave a call to her doctor. The nurse said that they would get back to me asap as to whether she should go to the hospital. Now, I knew I had to sit tight, in her apartment and wait for that phone call.
I decided then to change my mental "approach" to the situation. I started by praying in my mind that she would be OK. She lay on her bed and I sat in the room while she rested and I did some paperwork, etc. I also decided that what happened today was up to God, but that my priority was my mom at this point and that STRESSING over it would do absolutely NO good. I then, got busy with whatever I was doing.
In the past, when Mom had health issues, or a friend called with an emergency, or something else happened that would cause me stress or discomfort, I would start to feel that I had no control over my time or my life.
Again, my Fibro friends, we love to think we have control over our lives, our days our "plans". Truth is, we do not. The only one who can truly control the way our life goes is God. We are fooling ourselves if we think that by stressing or trying to "control" everything, we can keep everything straight.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Today, I accepted that.
Now, tomorrow, I will have a "plan" of things I'd like to do. But I refuse to let myself get tied in knots by any interruptions in my "plans". A friend often says to me, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans".
She is right. God laughs because he can't believe we actually think we have control over anything in our lives. Only he does. Until we "let go" and let him take over, we are bound for frustration and stress.
So, why not stop trying to be "perfect" and have the "perfect" plan and just let things go as they will. Sometimes what interrupts us is infinitely more important than what we had to do originally and we need to "relax into it". If we fight it, we're setting ourselves up for frustration, anger and stress.
Stress is the worst possible thing for a Fibro-fighter to endure. Try to find the areas in your life where stress is a problem and resolve those issues.
And, to answer your question, did the exercise I went to do after things were resolved with my Mom, help? Yes, I did a brief and gentle workout, and I thought about "letting go" of things more than trying to control every single aspect of my life. I wanted to talk to you, dear friends, about this decision.
Now, it's after 10 on the East Coast of the US, so I'm going to bed to read a book. I wish you a very stress-free day/evening and remember, you can only "control" so much. Let go and let God, with the rest of it. You need to take care of yourself so that you can be there to serve others....and God.
Blessings.............
Mo M.
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