You know, for years, I've struggled with the frustration of trying to prove to people what it is like to be in "our shoes".
"Just walk one day in MY shoes!", I used to growl, in my mind, when people would scowl at me LEGITIMATELY parking in a handicapped parking spot.
Actually, I've even said things. Sadly, it backfired, as it usually does....
One day, I remember it was a Friday and the chain of events that preceded this "entanglement" should have told me to keep my mouth shut. But sometimes the urge is more than I can handle.
My daughter had gotten home and had a particularly bad day at work. She was upset about something that had happened and feeling that it might actually hurt her reputation with her boss, and others. I was trying to calm her down and, in doing so, burned her frozen organic pizza. Needless to say, it was expensive. Well, I got angry, at myself and was trying not to show it so that I didn't upset my daughter even more.
She offered to accompany me to the store, not close by, to purchase a new pizza...had to be the expensive organic pizza. But again, I was feeling badly for her and wanted SOMETHING in HER day to go right.
We drove to the store, got the item and I happened to park in handicapped. I had been cleaning bathrooms earlier in the day and was feeling the ALL OVER ACHE that you just can't explain, other than to say it feels like you ran a marathon while having the flu.
On our way out, we were giggling about something I had done or said and as we approached the car, a woman parked next to us in a Lincoln (brand new), dressed to the nines, mind you, nails, hair, the whole works, was looking directly at me.
I smiled at her and she continued to stare. Now I could feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
"You look find to me!", she said in a very snotty tone.
I heard my daughter mumble, "Mom, don't say a word." My daughter HATES confrontation. She's the ultimate peacemaker. Growing up in our household (I'll describe later, developed that trait).
But the woman persisted, "You walk just fine! Yep, you're just fine".
Well, now my blood was boiling. I turned to her as my daughter loudly whispered from the car "Mom, DON'T!"......
"You would not want my life, BELIEVE ME", I said as calmly as I could muster.
"I'm saying you look fine to me.....", she said AGAIN.
Well, I got into the car and by now I was shaking from anger. The woman kept up her comments and I went to open the window and my daughter grabbed my arm.
At this point, everything went rushing down hill like a run away train. I threw my daughter's hand off of me more "forcefully" than I would want to. She is 21, but I am still THE PARENT. I STILL make the DECISIONS.
I yelled at her "DO NOT EVER DO THAT AGAIN!". She turned toward the passengers window and I believe the tears started to flow.
I proceeded to open the window and SOMETHING caught me. Before I went into a cursing tirade with this woman about all of the medications, losing my six figure job to be as broke as can be, I stopped myself.
I took a deep breath. My daughter now turned and was terrified at what I might say.
The woman looked as the window opened and I "eyeballed" her and said, "I will pray for you". I couldn't believe the words came out of my mouth.
She muttered, "Yeah, same to you.." .
I drove away and the tears started to pour down my face. I looked at my daughter and the tears had already been pouring down hers.
The stress of the day, the reprimand which I had never done before in my life!?
Folks, I am not an angry person. But when someone questions what I have, and what I've been through for the past 15 + years and questions what WE, as fibromites, KNOW to be so horrible and misunderstood, I go off. That's one of the very few, if any, things that makes me really ANGRY!
I apologize to my dear daughter through my tears. She then apologized, saying that she had no idea that I would say "that".....the praying thing. Usually, it would be something nasty or, worse, foul.
THE MORAL OF THE STORY:
We need to stop defending ourselves. I've had a million suggestions since then having recounted that story to others. But I've finally come up with a good one.
I have this little brochures from one of the Fibro sites and I will get you the link before my next post. I will hand out a flyer to everyone that gives me a look, a comment or any sort of judgemental response to where I park. After all, the best offense is a defense!
My doctor gave me that handicapped plaque for a reason. I use it when I need it and ONLY when I need it. If I feel pretty good, I don't use it. I consider the elderly and the 'worse off' first! But some days, I am 'worse off'.
Please take a deep breath when you are being judged. That nasty situation didn't need to happen to me OR to my daughter who was already having the day from "he((" ; )
I will get you a link for those brochures before my next post, as I said....we should use them. Educationally for those who think we look fine. If they care enough to judge, they should care enough to be aware.
Until later......
Blessings...........
Mo M.
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