Well, I'm taking a rather large leap down on the meds this weekend for my Fibro!

I've been doing well at this...so far! I have to say that the one thing I have not done in about 3 weeks now is exercise. 

Yes, I am an exercise hypocrite. Very bad and really I am noticing that my energy levels are down quite a bit. I used to survive on one small cup of coffee a day and now I find myself reaching for more caffeine which, as you probably know, isn't the best thing in the world for Fibromyalgia. 

SO, I am trying to slowly work back into more activity. 

As for the pain meds, here is the next progression. I'm going to be on 2/3rds of the original amount. IF that sounds "wimpy" and not a big deal, I'd want to know if you've ever been through withdrawal? 

I have. It's not fun. 

So, my approach is slow. This weekend I will make the drop of 40 mgs, instead of my former 20 mgs. The doctor told me to be ready for breakthrough pain, just in case. 

I feel very positive right now, in spite of some of the stress that's going on in my life. 

If you have any questions about Fibro meds, please ask them. If you want to know what I take specifically, I will share that too. 

For now, wish me luck and remember, eat the right foods (of course enjoy a treat once in a while), get rest, lower stress (as much as you can!) and exercise, even if it's just a walk up the block. You'd be amazed what it can do!

All my best dear Fibro friends, 
Mo M.  

Weaning off of Morphine Sulfate for Fibromyalgia Part 5A

I am taking a bit of a side journey on this journey of weaning off of morphine sulfate to give you some very good advice that I "thought" I had taken myself. 

Before weaning off/going through withdrawal from any medication, please make sure you have the following:

- A plan B - in other words for those things that you must do, make sure you have something or someone else to cover you. If you feel lousy, you may not be able to make dinner, walk the dog, get to work for that meeting. You get the idea. Make sure you have a plan to cover those items if you are feeling lousy. 

- Support system-make sure you have people around that know what you're going through and what you are feeling. I have a girlfriend (in spite of having a hubby, daughter and mom close by) that checks on how my days have been going. The mental/emotional aspect of going through withdrawal can sometimes be more difficult than the actual physical symptoms. So, make sure you have people around that "care" about you, are positive and supportive of your decision. 

- Drink LOTS of water. For some reason, when I get dehydrated, I begin to feel worse and get muscle aches. There's no mystery that hydration is healthy for everyone, but especially when you're body is going through this "assault". 

- Give yourself a break. Meaning, give yourself the space you need to feel lousy. If you have a bad day, rest. Don't beat yourself up and try to do more than you can. This process could totally derail your attempt at withdrawal, sending you back to the doctor to go back to the higher dose. You do not want that. This is hard work and you need a good outcome. 

- Be careful who you tell. This is the main reason that I'm writing this post. The last thing you need at this point is any controversy about your meds. If you have friends that understand your illness and your meds, then they will also understand your desire to get off of them. HOWEVER, be careful with this. I told some friend from high school who I have connected with over the past several years. I have noticed lately that NONE of them respond to my texts and emails. It's as if my telling them this was a burden to them. They are not local and we only meet every few months, but they seem to have drifted away once I told them this. 

Last night I lay awake worrying about this for hours. It has totally affected how I feel today. 

Point here is that you need to be in a very up and positive emotional situation to go through this. Friends who don't support your, respond to emails where you bare your soul, or otherwise ignore you, are NOT friends at all. Do not contact them or tell them what you are doing. 

Keep close to those you trust and treat yourself with "kid" gloves.  :) 

Yesterday was difficult, I had some bad burning in my upper back and I had to take a percocet. I believe that percocet can be very "depressing". I am avoiding taking it from now on and going to pursue some more "holistic" methods for getting rid of my pain. 

I wish all of you good day. Please comment or ask questions as needed. 

Mo M. 

Weaning off of morphine sulfate for Fibromyalgia - Part 5

Well, I'm still at the  260 dosage and some of you may laugh. After all, I've only really reduced my intake of this medication by 40 milligrams. 

I will say this; last time I tried to survive on this dosage, I couldn't. I was constantly sick, always tired, weak and completely nauseated. 

SO, I feel that I'm having success. I have kept up my exercises, both aerobic and weight. It hasn't been easy, but I've done it. 

Today was a bit of a downturn in the process and although I was hoping to go grocery shopping, I cannot do it. Aside from scoldings from my daughter, my upper back and shoulder blades feel as if they are being held against hot coals and the skin scraped off. I know, pretty graphic right?

Well, that's Fibromyalgia. Often, in order for people to understand how you really feel, graphic is the only way to make an impact that they will believe. 

Right now, I am considering but avoiding taking anything to help with the pain. I am worn from it as well. So I'll keep this brief. 

Next week, Wednesday to be exact, I will be returning to the pain clinic to see if I am can reduce this med another 20 mgs. If I am not suffering with this back pain too much, I will do it. My hopes is to get to 200 mgs alone by the middle of October. I hope this can happen. But regardless, I have tried. I'm probably in better shape than I have been in many years. So, that part is good. I just have a day here and there when I get really knocked down by this upper back pain thing. 

I just read an article about it that was very validating. Many of us apparently DO experience this burning upper back pain. This is called one of the most debilitating areas for a Fibro sufferer. 

In any case, that's where we stand now. I figured that I'd report, even though it's not 100% great for me right now, it's not awful either. 

I plug along and pray that this might pass and I continue on my quest to be medication free possibly by the end of the years. Can't hurt to try, can it?

All of my best. :) 

Mo M. 

Part 4 in lowering my morphine ....for Fibro :)

Happy Labor Day to those who read this and celebrate that holiday!

For me, this part 4 in a series of posts about my weaning off my morphine meds.

Yesterday was a "learning" day for me.

As I won't have as much pain control, I won't be able to do AS much as I was used to. I am NOT, however, discouraged by this fact, which I forgot to face! :)

I happened to go to the track and did my entire workout. Then, after coming home and showering, I proceeded to go to the grocery store for an "entire" shopping trip.

By the time I got home, I felt that familiar burning in my shoulder blades and also in the bottom of my feet. I knew I had overdone it and I still had to make dinner for everyone.

Dinner isn't some gourmet meal that takes me hours, but it did tend to feel that way. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and came to the following conclusion:

I cannot do more than ONE major physical activity a day. This means that if I do my entire workout, which I will almost every day of the week, I cannot do a full grocery shop. I don't grocery shop but once a week, so that day I will not workout.

Also, I realize I will have to change my housecleaning process to "a room a day" type of thing so that I don't ...1 - try to do the entire thing all in one day and 2 - mix it with my workout and feel absolutely awful. So I am going to set up a schedule for myself and stick to it. A room a day will not hurt me and hopefully it will keep the house reasonably clean "all of the time". We'll see.

The point of my post is this, when I start to feel the warning signs of that familiar ache across my back or my feet and legs burning with pain, I'm going to rest or doing something that forces me to sit and relax.

Simple as that.

Funny, I was thinking that maybe I would find NO PAIN under this morphine "wean". I was hopeful, but not being very realistic, I guess. After all, Fibro is not curable and I will likely have it for life.

All I can do is the best I can do with each day. I have yet to know if this "wean" is actually going to work at all. Time will tell. But I am positive about it and looking forward to continuing it until it becomes impossible. It may be totally possible to get off of the morphine, but I have to realize I will have to change my "busy" ways and replace them with peace and quiet.

Last night's pain was relieved by me sitting in my favorite chair in my bedroom and watching TV for about an hour. The pain went away. But I don't plan on sitting around for my entire life either, so there will be trade offs.

Another day to the good, as a very close friend of mine says to me each day that I "win" over morphine.

Believe me, I am not judging, I DO believe in the use of opiates for Fibro. After all I've been on them for 15 years...but I want to see what I feel without them.

The rest is decided by God....right?

Until next time, my dear Fibro friend.

Happiness, peace and comfort to you...
Mo M.

It's Day ONE of my next lower dosage of Morphine Sulfate - Kadian - Part 3

Well, today I started the next dosage down on my morphine sulfate - extended (sustained) release medication (Kadian is the "brand name"). 

It may be too early to tell if I'm feeling any difference. I slept in this morning, as I often do on Saturday mornings. I'm hoping to NOT do that but I cannot make too many changes at a time. That's actually not a good idea for those who are challenged by Fibro. Whether you're exercising, making diet changes or med changes, it's a good idea to do one at a time. If you don't, you have no idea what does and doesn't work. 

So, let. me explain the dosage reduction and also why I am being totally transparent about this process. 

First, for years (probably more than 10) I have been taking a daily dose of 300 mgs of this form of morphine. Back in 2008, I decided to wean off but the doctor apparently thought it would be easier and weaned me at 40 mgs. to start. It was awful. I felt awful.

This time, I am weaning off at 20 mgs, per two-three weeks. What I've noticed is that when I did the first 20 mgs decrease, the first day was the worst. I felt weak, shaky and couldn't relax. The next day was more "normal" and after that, I felt fine. The one thing that did become apparent after the first few days was that I wasn't able to do as much as I was before. 

For instance, I was unable to do as much of my workout at the track. I felt weaker than I had on the full dose. 

The good news is that I felt a bit less "depressed" than when I was on the full dose. For years I have struggled with depression. Not really sure when it started, it could have been the post-partum I had after the birth of my daughter 24 years ago. In any case, I have a tendency toward depression. But now, for some reason, I feel less "inclined" towards the blues since this process began several weeks ago. 

I also mentioned that I would explain why I am being totally transparent about this process. The reason is that, I believe in two things. I believe that people DO need these meds. I also believe that I may be able to help remove the stigma associated with them. They DO help and maybe they helped me get to where I am physically, which is much stronger than when I first was diagnosed with Fibro. 

Now, I feel it's time for me to see if my "physical fitness" has truly helped improve my situation with Fibro. 

I could help SO many people and that has become my life's goal. I just wish I could get my message out there. If you read this and have Fibro and know others with Fibro, feel free to share it. 

Please help me get the message out that there is HOPE with Fibro and I am happy to talk about my long and challenging journey with Fibro. 

I will also say this. I wouldn't change the fact that I've had Fibromyalgia for anything. Through all of the pain, stress, anxiety, depression, darkness, and other challenges brought on by this illness, I believe I am a stronger person for having had this illness. I also believe it is my responsibility to help others with this illness. 

Please feel free to comment or contact me with any questions. 

All my best for a great day!!

Mo M. 

Withdrawal from "My" Fibro Meds - Part 2

Well, I'm now at a week of weaning off of morphine sulfate extended release - Kadian. I am still at the first "lower" dose and I have noticed a few things. 

The first day I felt pretty lousy, but since that day, things have gone pretty well. I did a few days of track workouts but not as many as I would have liked. 

I AM very happy with how I have been feeling. I have no jitters or nausea at this very minor dosage change and that's how I hoped it would be. I have also noticed that I am not depressed, not anxious and not craving the higher dose. All of this is very good. 

Today, I decided to clean my kitchen. I usually do this on a weekly basis. It is a pretty small kitchen, but I usually do a pretty thorough cleaning. I remove everything from the countertops, clean those items, scrub countertops and sanitize them, clean stove and all surfaces and scrub the sink. The entire process takes me about an hour. 

Well, this is where I COULD get discouraged. Normally after cleaning the kitchen, I would dust the remaining first floor rooms, vacuum and wet mop as well. Also, I would scrub the kitchen floor. 

I never made it past the kitchen cleaning. I got this "familiar old" burning pain in my shoulder blades that I would often get when I finished the ENTIRE job but often not at all. 

SO, rather than get upset and figure this might be hopeless, I said to myself that I would take a rest. I did that. I still have the pain but it's a bit less. I'm spending the time doing some paperwork, having a drink (juice and water! NOT alcohol!) and realizing that I'm taking this one day at a time. 

Finally, going backwards, I started my day at the Pain Clinic. The doctor was pleased with how I was feeling and agreed to let me go another small dosage lower on this med. I cannot fill the Rx until next Friday, but that's fine. He wants me to get my upper body a bit stronger and I can see why after cleaning the kitchen. I have very little upper body strength and I need that area strengthened. He said that this will also help with the pain levels. 

I certainly know that from my extensive walking workouts. My legs are doing quite well so far. So, it's time to give some attention to my arms and upper torso. 

So, I appreciate your view of this post and my attempt to wean off of this powerful medication.

I will touch base when there is a change in how I feel or at the latest when I make the next dosage reduction. 

Here's wishing you strength, energy and pain free days on your own Fibro journey!

Mo M. 

Follow my journey with an attempt to "withdrawal" from my Fibromyalgia medications - Part 1

Hello dear Fibro friends!

I hope today finds you feeling better than ever! If not, I hope you are staying positive in spite of your flare, pain or the side effects of whatever medications or treatments you are trying. 

I have made a decision for the second time in my experience with Fibro. One of the medications I take (the heavy hitter!) is Kadian. As you may or may not know, Kadian is actually morphine sulfate-sustained release. When I first started this medication, I was leery. It was about 10 years ago. However, after about 2 days worth of taking this med, I felt like MYSELF again, meaning myself before Fibro. I didn't feel "high" or "drugged". I felt NO pain. Of course there were times when my feeling so great made me "overdo it". Then I had meds for breakthrough pain. I rarely used them, if ever. 

I am now attempting to, with my doctors approval and assistance, wean off of/withdrawal from this very potent medication. I had tried this back in 2008 at one point and had NO success. Actually, I was jittery, shaky, nauseous, hot sweats, cold sweats, incredible weakness, couldn't eat, couldn't think straight and basically felt like I was dying. OK, that might be an exaggeration but it was NOT pleasant. I felt AWFUL. I sort of felt like I did when my Fibromyalgia was not treated at all. I could not function. I kept this up for approximately 3 weeks and then I called the doctor and said I couldn't do it anymore and he resumed my normal dosage. 

Well, just recently, I learned that a friend who is my age (52) is going to be needing dialysis. She was on a medication for many years and it caused her kidney to start to fail. I am trying to help her simply get the port/fistula surgery corrected. The first failed. Then she will be on dialysis, 3 times a week for the rest of her life. 

This affected me deeply. In addition, I have often thought that maybe I should be trying to wean off of this med because I do not know what the long term effects are. I felt it was time to try. 

I am now about 5 days into this attempt to withdrawal from morphine. My doctor is starting very slowly with a 20 mg reduction of my dosage. 

The first day, I have to admit, I felt awful. This was surprising because I had heard that for 3 days, I would probably feel no difference. Well, I felt lousy, achy and couldn't sit still. I got worried because this was my problem the last time I attempted withdrawal. 

By day two, I was feeling surprisingly better. 

Also, I found some very good advice about withdrawal from meds and I have been taking some of it. 

First, I have been walking on the days I feel I can. Exercise boost endorphins. So I try to take at least a 30 minute walk as many days as possible. (I should say that I'm in "pretty good" physical condition already so the doctor felt that would help.) Then the advice said to stay hydrated. I am drinking as much water as I can. Every time I think about it, I take a sip. I'm not guzzling gallons of it, just staying "hydrated" so that I am NEVER thirsty. The next piece of advice was to eat one or two SMALL (no eating HUGE candy bars!!) pieces of dark chocolate every day. You want to stick with small squares and the type of chocolate that is over 70% cocoa. 

Let me add something that is different this time, from when I last tried the withdrawal process. I am in a much better place mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Now, you may ask why I threw "spiritually" in there. This is very important  to Fibro sufferers, I believe. I am not trying to convert you to a religion. What I am telling you is that believing in a power greater than yourself, and giving that power your cares, be it God, Buddha, the Universe or whatever you believe or choose, is so very helpful when you are feeling overwhelmed by Fibro and life in general. 

I invite you to follow me on this journey of discovering what my Fibro is like under these meds that have given me quality for all of these 10 years. 

Please feel free to ask me questions or to comment below. All I ask is that you refrain from any negative or confrontational comments because I will not even address them. They are not appropriate and I will delete them.

Have a very wonderful and hopefully pain free day! 

Mo M.